I was working on formulating a
mentorship programme for an environmental fund. Its purpose is to help mentees
better articulate and achieve the goals of their projects. My task was to create
a list of the roles and responsibilities of mentors.
When the committee met up to
discuss the list, Tom* commented that the statements were too vague and that he
could not understand the true responsibilities of mentors from those statements.
Instead of sentences like mentors are expected “to
offer guidance, assistance and resources required by mentees as far as possible”,
he preferred statements that specified the exact responsibilities of mentors. For example, mentors are to handle/guide the
analysis/development of ideas and proposal writing. I disagreed with him as I
felt that the needs of each mentoring relationship would vary and hence being
too specific about the responsibilities of mentors may prove to be inefficient
and irrelevant. I wanted to only provide guidelines to maintaining a good mentoring
relationship.
Moreover, we had
different expectations of mentors. Tom felt that mentors had to know everything,
but I felt otherwise. I felt that mentors themselves are also on a journey of
learning and self-development and thus must be willing to learn from their
mentees. Tom’s high expectations for mentors may be because he already has
excellent ability to solve his own problems and is only looking for someone who
can tackle or provide opinions on his toughest problems.
Eventually, his
suggestion for a more specific list of the roles and responsibilities of
mentors was adopted by the committee. Not too sure if the interpersonal conflict was resolved since it was a decision made by the committee... So, how would you resolve the interpersonal conflict between the two people so that their working relationship remains amicable?
Hey Xi Min,
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if there was any quarrel between you and Tom regarding your different views, but I hope not! Disagreements during group discussions are common and can be resolved amicably through persuasive explanations. Minor disagreements can be healthy, as they not only provide different perspectives to the issue, but also encourage the group to brainstorm on improvements. However, if disagreements were to escalate to a major dispute, I think is it best that the rest of the group step in and come to a general consensus. During the dispute, managing feelings and empathy are essential to ensure that the dispute does not get out of hand.
thank you for your comments. Regarding your suggestion about how the rest of the group can step in so that a general consensus can be reached, ironically, some other group members were also present during the 'dispute'. However, they did not give much comments. I guess I just have to think of some other way to resolve it then
DeleteHello Ximin!
ReplyDeleteSuch disagreements within groups are common since each individuals have their own set of ideas. I would suggest that Tom and you to speak to the committee/person in-charge on what exactly they want. And to have the committee to vote on which one is more appropriate.
Disagreements within groups may not necessarily be a bad thing as a differing view would trigger you to think about an issue that you probably have not thought about, and this might lead to an even better idea. The main idea during a group discussion is to keep calm, and focus on what you want to achieve.
thank you for your wonderful advice on keeping the bigger picture in mind. Sometimes keeping in mind the big picture can be slightly pressurizing as it feels so BIG and daunting. But I guess it means that I also have to keep the big picture small enough so that it continues to motivate me to want to achieve it.
DeleteHi Xi Min!
ReplyDeleteI am inclined to agree with Gladys. Disagreements are oftentimes difficult to overcome. However, once they are, it may lead to an improved relationship and a fresh perspective when look at the situation.
In the case of you and Tom, perhaps your different beliefs hinder the ability for the both of you to achieve a consensus. While he believes that mentors should hold all the knowledge in the world, you hold a more realistic view that everyone is still learning from each other. Of course you have the more sensible view! Isn't life just one lesson after another?
It may be difficult to convey your message across especially if Tom is very stubborn. Perhaps you can take a different approach in proving your point. For instance, if he is able to just once experience the feeling of being a mentor yet not knowing all the answers, he may be more sympathetic. Perhaps what you need to do now is force Tom into understanding the world from another point of view, and not simply be a critical yet narrow-minded person.
Thank you for a thought-provoking post, Xi Min!
Tanisha
Thank you for supporting my viewpoint haha. It's nice to know that. The different approach you mentioned about allowing Tom to experience what it is like to be a mentor may work for some people, but not Tom... Because he is unlikely to take up the challenge in the first place because he feels that he is not qualified enough for the position. Hmm, or may this tactic may work? I'll have to give it a try.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks, XiMin, for sharing this interesting scenario. You do a good job of describing the problem context and the problem itself. Including the specific wording in your and Tom's differing statements for the roles of mentors was a good idea. You also boil the problem down to a good specific question for the reader to consider (but it might have been better not to give the committee's decision, maybe even having the reader imagine him/herself to be a committee member who wants to smooth things over).
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple problems with this post though. First, your verb tenses lack consistency. Generally you use past tense, but there are a couple examples of present tense as well that don't quite fit. For example: "Its purpose is to help mentees better articulate and achieve the goals of their projects."
Another problem for me is the use of italics for the entire blog post/comments. That reduces readability for me. One more issue is the mixing of font colors. Black and orange? That also affects the overall impression.
Still, I don't want these minor criticisms to detract from your effect with a fine scenario. I really appreciate your sharing