20
Telok Blangah Drive
#01-32
S090020
Tel:
8123 8123
12th
Feb 2012
Mr Seow Kah Ping
Director
45 Maxwell Road
The URA Centre
Singapore 069118
The URA Centre
Singapore 069118
Dear Mr Seow,
I am Yeo Xi Min and I am writing to apply for the position of Urban Planner
(Urban Planning Excellence) as advertised on URA careers website on 31 Jan
2012. I have just graduated with a degree in Geography and would like to offer my
strong theoretical understanding of urban and environmental issues to your organisation
to transform Singapore into the most liveable city in Asia. Your organisation’s
mission of making Singapore a great place to live, works and play deeply resonates
with me.
I am highly qualified for this position since I possess both the hard and
soft skills required for it. Firstly, my knowledge of urban and environmental
issues extends beyond those acquired from a formal education to first-hand encounters
with such issues on the ground through my visits and investigations of areas in
Cambodia and Singapore respectively. These
experiences have allowed me to reflect on the possible areas of improvement in current
urban planning practices. My training in the social sciences has also honed my critical
thinking skills and has made applying them intuitive in everyday life. Besides,
I also have an excellent command of written and spoken Chinese.
At the same time, I have developed an impressive set of soft skills through
the projects I have undertaken throughout the years. They include community
development and voluntarism projects to an orphanage in Cambodia and environmental
activism projects that promote tree planting on the school campus. Such
projects required a high level of dedication to see through and also demanded for
me to be a highly adaptable individual. Reason being that I needed to switch
readily from being a team player when doing collective tasks to an independent
worker when it came to making decisions as the leader for certain aspects of
the projects. I am confident that I will bring the same level of commitment,
intensity and meticulousness to the position if I am being offered it.
I have enclosed my resume for your perusal. I look forward to meet you
to learn about the expectations for the position. Feel free to contact me if
you have any enquires. Thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
Yeo Xi Min
Hi Xi Min!
ReplyDeleteI like how your writing focused on the needs of the company. Very concise and user-centered!
The examples given have also successfully demonstrated your abilities and suitability as a prime candidate. Good job!
I only have a bit of a problem with the use of "I am highly qualified for this position.. ". The tone does not seem very appropriate. Perhaps you might consider a more modest approach?
Other than that, I think the other requirements of the assignment have been effectively met. Yay!
Cheers!
Haha,okay I will take note of the tone;) Thank you for your input especially since you read my earlier draft. see you in class!
Deletehello ximin! you have used plenty of power words that really leave an impression on the reader. i'm going to have to agree with kristyn however, and say that at times you sounded a little haughty. i know you were just trying to keep changing up the sentence structure but you should watch out for that. other than what kristyn has quoted, "would like to offer my strong theoretical understanding" and "I have developed an impressive set of soft skills" also comes across as a little inappropriate. it makes you seem like the company needs you and you're being kind by offering yourself which should not be the way to go.
ReplyDelete1 small thing that stuck me as out of place was the language skills. it came up quite abruptly and i don't see why, in relation to the job, it was necessary to bring that up.
overall, i think you just need to work on the tone. just a thought: maybe you could talk more about what your vision is and also give the reader an idea of why you are interested in urban planning and hence suitable for the job.
thanks Ariele ;) Looks like I really need to work on the tone since more than one person has pointed it out. Haha. I will consider your point about elaborating on my vision and interest in urban planning. See you in class!
DeleteHi Ximin,
ReplyDeleteYour use of power words does make me think that you are an impressive candidate for the job. They also make your letter more persuasive. However, in certain instances, they do make you seem arrogant. Perhaps you could add words to make look more modest. For instance, "I believe I am highly qualified."
In contrast to what Ariele has mentioned, I feel that "would like to offer my strong theoretical understanding of urban and environmental issues" is very appropriate. (sorry Ariele) In my opinion, that sentence really grabs the reader's attention and demonstrates what you can offer, which is good.
Just one other point to take note, you mentioned: "Besides, I also have an excellent command of written and spoken Chinese." To me, this seems a bit random. Perhaps you could expand it and say how this is relevant to their collaboration with China.
I hope my feedback is useful (:
Joel
thanks for your comments! I will definitely work on the tone and rephrase the point about being able to speak Chinese. Thank you for your invaluable input!
DeleteHi Ximin!
ReplyDeleteI like your first paragraph as it really draws me to reading the rest of your letter. However, you might want to be careful of how you use power words as it may lead others to think that you're arrogant (which is really not the case).
I agree with Ariele and Joel that you should probably explain how does your skill in chinese language be relevant to the job.
Oh yes, don't forget to include your email/contact number at the end! (:
I hope this helps! See you in class tmr! and lets do our best for the peer teaching (:
Thanks Gladys;) I will be more modest in my writing and include contact details in my letter. Thanks for taking time to comment on my post!
DeleteHi，Ximin！I agree with Joel that we can use power words and sentences to show our strong confidence, and I can see you strongly confident in this potential working area related to you major, which will grabs the reader's attention and make you feel like more competent in this position. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteHope we can have great time in the proposal group, have a nice recess!
Hi Ximin, I feel that you have added alot of relevant details in your application letter. However I feel that the phrasing in certain places are rather random and may make your application letter seem insincere. Also you should avoid being too overconfident in your application as it may appear as though you are too arrogant in your approach. After all the employer does not know you and you might want to be more careful in making your first impression count:)
ReplyDeleteGood justified post. Thanks for this superb post.
ReplyDeleteJob Application letter